stomachache.

2012-01-19T14:27:00.000+08:00

throwing yourself at those who dont care, and throwing your weight around with those who do.
i used to not understand why but now i do.
its a real pity some have so little self-respect
but i'm rather envious. i would like to be shameless too!

...

2011-12-09T06:08:00.000+08:00

a statue is no different from a biscuit, it just takes more time to crumble

ok in a way that's a difference.. ah you know what i mean

...

2011-11-22T23:34:00.001+08:00

ha ha ha harlot!
s-s-sorry i t-thought an-n-n-nnn-aa-ny d-difr-rrr-rrent

...

2011-11-19T17:33:00.000+08:00

to judge others and hold yourselves in such high regardwhen you are very much the same as them,
but do not have to guts to do anything about it

disappointing indeed, but a bit more of pitiful and disgusting

...

2011-11-06T03:13:00.000+08:00

having so much fun and feeling so much guilt
all at once.
its just too bad that i can only be one person at one time.
its hard being the same one person for ever
but sometimes i wish i had the courage to do it

...

2011-10-25T18:08:00.000+08:00

when a dog has food and other dogs around, it ignores you and barks and humps like it's mentally unsound
when it is alone and hungry, comes and look at you with baby dog eyes. which i find retarded

dont 摆架子 already

mother fucking dogs

...

2011-09-06T11:00:00.001+08:00

on a boat with my bunkmates and best friends having the time of my life, laughing away. a beachy song plays in the background, and there are some pretty girls around.
we all laugh and laugh
and laugh
and laugh
until my bunkmate calls out my name
"derek!"
"whaaaat"
"derek!"
(ignores)
"derek!"

when the confusion ends, i realise im in bunk, everyone is changed up, theres a rhythm of a toothbrush in the background.
i turn to my left, and stuffed toy patrick smiles at me, telling me to get up and get going for the drag ass day ahead.
i check my alarm clock on the right and realise its already 5.10am, i have 10 minutes left to change and freshen up and get down to the armoury to do saikang.
i get up in a rush, ignore my boner, no time to think "fml"

thats one of the fucked up things that happened to me few weeks ago during one of the range days.

have you ever experienced something similar?
waking up from the most exciting dream, when you realise the scenario isn't real but the happiness is.
the happiness lingers a moment after you're awake,
but when you realise what just happened and real life hits you with a giant to-do list, the bubble of happiness undergoes deposition and turns into a lump of shit.

have you ever awoken from a beautiful dream, only to face harsh reality?
i just did,
and i thank you who did it for me, because i realise that the dream isn't real and so it doesn't last.
to live the happiness i felt, i have to face the pain of waking up.

now that i am awake, i can pursue that dream.

...

2011-08-12T00:32:00.001+08:00

fmfl

2011-08-07T01:18:00.000+08:00

its just unbelievable how unrealistic and idealistic i was, to believe that people were different and that some had better character/ qualities than others.
now that i've accepted that everyone is the same, i no longer need to come up with dumb excuses for myself when i feel that someone is doing something thats beneath them.
we are all sluts, in the fun way that my ns batch label ourselves, and maybe to a certain extent in the actual meaning of the word.
just be with this different one long enough, and one day when that wall of pretence cracks and crumbles and you are able to take a peek through it, you will see that i am right.
and it is much easier to live without expectations of any sort

...

2011-07-22T01:04:00.000+08:00

thanks for humoring me. its like when we were young all we looked forward to in a meal was desert, but our parents insisted we eat the veggies. and so we just tthink of the kid equivalent of fuck it, pick up our fork, poke the smallest leaf we can find and put it into our mouths. then we quickly move on to ice cream paradise.

...

2011-06-19T16:03:00.002+08:00

a feeling so overwhelming that suddenly you dont feel anything.
like protecting and distracting yourself from how much it meant to you in the first place.

like losing so much in gambling that you just dismiss money you lost as a number.
like losing so much in monopoly deal that you just think "fuck it" and start passing your every turn with nothing on your table, feeling safe because you cant lose anything.
like saying that school results dont matter to you after you did badly for every single paper.
like saying "its ok" or "its normal" after seeing too much of something which you thought was very fucked up less than a year ago.

making yourself feel that something is ok when you know that its actually far from it
makes me very lazy and lethargic
now all i want to do is sleep.
and sleep for the longest time but i cant because people who i want to avoid will notice that im missing.
how come its always only these people that notice.

...

trying hard

2011-06-16T16:25:00.001+08:00

literally ran off to wait for bus after lunch, looking forward to what i might be doing on this day off. same mistake i've been making for the hundredth time. been looking forward to it till about half an hour ago when i realised how stupid i was to think that this day was different from any other. it is not the day, not the occasion, not anything but how badly you want something.
if something is important, we'll make an effort to attend to them no matter how busy we are. like hunger. or the need to shit or take a piss. such things make us feel shitty if we do not take some time off to attend to them. and so we do, by hook or by crook.
there are also other things, for example sleep. it brings us comfort, but we dont really feel any pain or risk if we miss out on it. so we take it for granted, and sacrifice sleep to do other more exciting things. like club, playing maple story, cycling, chalets, drinking.... in turn, we fuck our bodies up. feeling the pain of being sick only when it's too late. a pain worse than that of hunger or a full bowel.
sometimes, to do the simplest things, we just need to feel a pinch.
we juuuuust need to, or else we take them for granted

i must try hard to see others
in the same way they see me

...

2011-06-16T14:43:00.000+08:00

i must be selfish,
cant let every thing affect me
especially when i dont affect them

time to start doing things for myself instead of others
because they are also doing things for themselves

...

2011-06-16T13:12:00.000+08:00

one day i will repay you, tenfold. for now pls dont be mistaken, what i do is for myself only.
we will see in time to come, and i cant wait

...

2011-06-05T15:31:00.002+08:00

i think the time has come

...

2011-06-04T17:18:00.002+08:00

so sick of you
shall give you only what you deserve

...

2011-05-29T01:43:00.003+08:00

i will do my best.
to make you feel like i do.
like SHIT!
wahaha
revenge starts now

...

2011-05-21T01:16:00.000+08:00

sometimes i want to do things to make you feel just half as fucked up as me, but i just cant.
not because i cant, but because no matter what i do it wont work when nothing matters to you.

and tha's 'bou-rit

2011-05-17T00:00:00.001+08:00

you bought this cheap pair of shoes when you needed it and had no money, now you're richer and can buy any shoe you want you just dont care about this old pair anymore. as simple as that.
am i the only one who likes stuff more as they get older?
like my brown adidas hoho

...

2011-05-16T16:28:00.001+08:00

i'm so bored, already forgot what i used to do when i had nothing to do at all for the whole day

today i have pineapple hair

2011-05-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

its sad to see how things keep going downhill despite my efforts to stop them.
like a snowball rolling down a mountain and out of goodwill i try to save its fat white life but all i get in return is to be flattened, wet and super cold.

feel like an angry birds addict.
to me, those cute little angry birds and green pigs are my life and everything i have between breakfast lunch and dinner. even in my dreams i feel myself soaring through the clear blue sky, crashing into the wall of a pig's house.
however to the angry birds im just another few dollars (assuming it costs a few dollars to dl it and im dumb enough not to do illegal stuff), a few of the millions of dollars that they have made from ppl around the world (using apple products). (in brackets because ppl around the world using apple products = ppl around the world)

o well you know what i mean. just feel like a pube. a single strand of it, smt you wouldn't even notice even if it dropped on the floor right in front of you. you would even deny ownership if confronted.

great big sigh, all this time doing nothing has made me realise how very wrong i have been in my priorities. its like why spend so much time playing digimon when you know that there will be ppl better than you anyway and that no matter how much time you spend on it it doesnt matter because one day it will decide to close down or be updated, wasting all the time you spent. and your opinion will not be sought regarding the matter..

o well i guess i can only say this much, cos i have no balls to say what i have in mind.
just think its time to really consider if what im doing is the right thing.
and it sucks that i have pineapple hair!
although i kind of like it. niahahaha

...

2011-02-24T18:44:00.000+08:00

I met this girl on Valentines day fucked her in May
she found out about April so she chose to March

kanye west- so appalled

hahahahaha can listen to his songs the whole day

...

two good people

2011-02-24T17:00:00.000+08:00

"im fucking early"
"oh my fucking gosh your rushing and bitching has made me feel so fucking irresponsible and wrong for being on time! sorry!"
"yes you are, even though everyone else who has a life is on time as well"
"yes i am"

i hope the eternal flame that you are looking for (which you will never find by the way, due to physical shortcomings) will be bestowed generously upon you and and your loved ones when the whole lot of you eventually go to hell.

my potentially good days, especially surprising ones like today (ending at 1230 and having the rest of the day off) will almost always be ruined. i think thats where the real surprise is.

just damn frustrated now, i knew what was gonna happen anyway, but the fact that i tried and it really happened makes me damn disappointed and angry.

o well but i must be optimistic and positive again, and take this as a nice and friendly reminder by two good and kind people not to make the same mistake i did. they have really good chemistry and teamwork when it comes to teaching and reminding me about such things the hard way.

although this is just blabbering, i cant say what i really want cos it will be too much.
so i just want to say, this is it. haha even though you dont know what im talking about, i have to say it in a public (kind of) place so that i wont go back on my word.
always promise myself, but end up breaking it.

so, this is really it. from now on, things are going to change for me.

although if i break it again, i can always rely on two good people to remind me

...

pushing it one small step at a time (saying fuck you a thousand times wouldnt be enough)

2011-01-27T20:51:00.001+08:00

i am really surprised at how people have no shame.
o well i guess when we get too comfortable and take others for granted and theres nothing and no one to act for anymore, everyone becomes a little more thick-skinned.. but this shamelessness is really amazing+amusing.
haha

anyway, after today i learnt something very important.
time for a new change. how many times can i down grade? we will find out, a big thank you once again to those who are helping me push my limits.

there are times where i really really wished some ppl become suay,
suay till maybe their family die or become vegetable or smt. but it just doesnt happen, and these ppl just piss me off. but i dont even know who they are, which is why i really hope calamity befalls their family and future generations. haha traditional and old fashioned guy shall stick to traditional and old fashioned curses.

on a random note, i am so lucky that my ns trainee life has trained me so well in the art of putting down my pride, that i feel so comfortable doing it even after i am no longer a trainee and i am also able to apply it in real life scenarios. learning life skills ( yes, it is sadly a life skill ) like this one make ns so useful and applicable.

...

2011-01-23T00:51:00.000+08:00

feel humored. haha. never felt this for a while.
am super fucking tired or acting
seriously dont think i can ever be good enough
wonder how anyone can ever be if i cant
feel very extra now
dont know what to do and how to vent it
i think i am going to jog

fuck!!!!

...

2011-01-23T00:26:00.000+08:00

oh my gosh nani suck my dick

anyway
only thing i felt recently was how inadequate i am.
goodnight

...

please don't kill me

2011-01-03T20:17:00.001+08:00

why is it always not enough!!!!

so scared that they might talk about you, so scared that stuff might remind me
and they always do
i really hope that things will change
back to how they once were
but better
but for now
i will work on myself first

...

cars and money

2010-12-31T16:00:00.001+08:00

my anger, disasspointment, jealousy, frustration, helplessness
i thought only the people i deal with everyday are selfish and inconsiderate and take others for granted.
forgot that all humans are alike, which was something i was very sure of last time.
i really want to thank those who have made me so sure of myself now.
i can do nothing, only watch and accept that the things i really dont like happen over and over. cant even talk about them anymore, because they are stronger than me.
if only i had everything i wanted, only then will everything i need be in place.

o well i bet no one knows what im saying, but i dont care i just need an outlet.

i think i shall just go and use the computer or iphone now to distract myself. it's funny how i used to hate it when i see ppl spend so much time playing computer and iphone games.

a very big thank you to all those who have changed and nurtured me in the above ways,
happy fucking new year to all of you

...

2010-12-31T03:00:00.001+08:00

"im sorry, im sorry, its my fault again"
never yours, never theirs.

knew i didnt have enough
why did i even hope in the first place

o well i am quite confident of saying that i have never felt this shitty before

...

little thing on my chest

2010-12-11T03:24:00.001+08:00

to sit and watch is too tiring,
i really wonder how i manage to pull through it every time.

anyway!
FINALLY GRADUATED!!!!

friends

boat crew (BOAT 6!!!!!)

awkward pose by me

family

and of course!

almost none of them will see this, but these are the people who got me past this drag ass course. i dont mean it wasnt meaningful, but i sure as hell wouldnt want to go through it again.

alright! shall waste the rest of my leave in vietnam now, bye everyone.
i hope by the end of the trip i dont regret it as much as i do now.

...

2010-11-28T01:23:00.000+08:00

it sucks to be aware of what you dont know.
o well i can never be sure, can i?
sometimes i just feel so frustrated i feel like tearing myself up.
haha! like literally, dont ask me why!
its just a sudden urge. luckily im scared of pain.

...

2010-11-21T18:38:00.000+08:00

have a serious lack of talent,
why do i always put in so much and get so little in return

...

2010-10-17T01:35:00.000+08:00

its so weird, that at a time when i should be at my most confident and ballsy, im feeling this crappy feeling again.
like, i dunno, am i the only one that occassionally feels like the scum of the earth.
just.. you know, feel lousy from time to time.
sometimes randomly. or sparked off by a series of random paranoid thoughts.
o well!
hope the stressful timetable of tomorrow will keep things away from my head and bring it back to normal!

...

what am i

2010-09-19T20:52:00.000+08:00

doing
thinking
going for
to them
to you
to me

ahh i hate this, if only i didnt have a brain

...

2010-09-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

went to timbre yesterday, ate super nice food and watched + heard super nice band. didnt get to hear enter sandman though, haha i kind of wanted to go there cos of that. requested, but left after that. o well! i guess its not bad also, give me a reason to go back (:
and i still havent bought my wallet after losing my old one 2 years ago! or is it more than 2 years already? but i cant bear to part with 100 dollars, even though im v sure that wallet is worth it. if i wasnt in ns now i would definitely buy it la. just that now you see buy already just bring into camp and leave there den weekend use a while, not shiok enough.
ok! better go, need to wake up soon for stupid run.
maybe will continue if i still have time tmr.

...

would you believe me?

2010-08-29T20:42:00.001+08:00

if i told you
how much i want to tell you?

ahhhhhH!!!!!!!!!!!!! its been a crazy weekend, although not on the outside, but in my mind it has been a rollercoaster, with seats falling off. but it ain't shuttin down, yo!

but oh well, many things are changing, permanently. ok for a long time la even if not permanent.
being in a stagnant, mosquito breeding state in ns, i feel like im just watching it all happen, but i cant touch or change anything. like... i dunno, seeing monkeys fight in the zoo. or seeing hippos swim about.
its just "whoa", but you cant do anything more than that.
or maybe im the one in the zoo, seeing everyone stop, stare for a bit and move on. different ppl stopping everyday, different people moving on everyday, at first maybe i try to recognise them, but after a while it just becomes the norm, and i come to terms with the fact that im in the zoo.

o well, can you be the one
who just stops and watches me for that extra second?
i would perform my most wonderful, spectacular tricks
to stun the world, and you

...

2010-08-22T03:15:00.002+08:00

hate this, need to shit now right before sleeping but if i wash my ass i need to powder it again

if you cant beat them, join them

2010-08-08T03:16:00.001+08:00

sometimes i really forget how it feels like

do i really need to get used to this...
just waiting now, because if i keep pushing its quite shaggy.

anyway, today was a good day, all the way from the start to the end!
days like these really make me dread going back in to camp.
time really flies, and its really quite scary to think of it at a time like this cos its damn quiet...
from watching liangpopo to enlistment to this to that and to scarier stuff in the future. everything just keeps coming and coming, hit me non stop. piak piak piak piak. like park car under the wrong tree

hanging out for 10 years at least, but still not growing up.

whoooooooooooooooo!!!

i hope we never do,

the same way i hope nothing ever does.
but that's the problem, isn't it?

...

2010-08-06T21:38:00.002+08:00

why do you make it so easy for me
to decide to do something i thought i wouldnt

...

2010-06-27T18:56:00.000+08:00

there are some things that i will never know,
some things which i hate a lot
but i will just pretend they dont exist, so that =D can.
hahaha yea its still worth it

o well, put myself in a well

...

one thousand worries

2010-06-12T03:47:00.000+08:00

why am i not surprised, even when i meet with something big or i am faced with some kind of unbelievable situation. think ns has made me dumber, so i think less now.
i know i need this sleep very badly, but somehow i just dont want to get it, i dont know why. could have been sleeping for quite long already, but im still up. dont know what time i'll wake up tmr, but its confirm not enough again.
hai. i thought enter ns life will become simple and stupid. in a way it is la. but then somehow i feel even more pressure, i dont know why. not even aiming for anything inside. grrrr

in about 15 mins i will regret this

...

2010-05-30T09:09:00.000+08:00

very unlucky
feel very stupid

somehow i alr kind of know how this long weekend is gonna end
and i really dont wanna go back!!!
esp after this week, argh....

...

i am not schizophrenic

2010-04-28T01:42:00.002+08:00

WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!

2010-04-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

the people who can really scare me, they have no balls

...

ok! understood

2010-04-18T22:47:00.002+08:00

wow,
i know this sounds weird, but today is like the alone-est day for me. i mean, not in a bad way la.
sooo many things happened/ is going to happen over the course of this week, it feels as though everything in my little world is changing. maybe it's just upsizing itself?
o well, i guess i can take comfort in the fact that although everything is changing, everyone is not.
okay that might not always be a good thing actually. hoho.
but ya
gay as it sounds, i guess what im gonna miss most is having sherman and sherwin live just 2 blocks away.
but like so many other things that i find hard to swallow, i'm sure i will get used to it after some time.

and i have decided that i prefer finishing what i started to running away from trouble (physical conflict excluded )
so i will just hope for the best
go optimism!

...

2010-04-17T02:15:00.001+08:00

thunder!

2010-04-16T13:04:00.000+08:00

oh my dear fan, i totally understand that you do not want to start spinning for me because i just smashed you 3 times after you have blown me for many years. i am so sorry, but i guess i will just use new fan now, because it is stronger and also heavier and taller, in fact i cant even smash it, so i might still keep you for that purpose.

gahh instant regret after spoiling my fan, cos i dont feel better at all. there is nothing that i can take my frustration out on. argh i hope meeting people later will solve my problem.
hmm but what is it exactly. because the more i think of it, the more i find that what i think ( i was typing until here, then my desktop suddenly stopped functioning. i think tio virus, cos hanged 3 times already, shall continue on my laptop then) i am unhappy about doesnt even exist.
o well. i guess i was wrong in the first place to expect anything, because after all it might not actually be failures that cause me to be disappointed or piss me off, but my expectations of success.

oh but a miracle happened! hahaha my fan is working again.
i guess it just needed a rest, what a fucked up fan. what kind of electronic equipment needs a rest.
haha actually i think they all kind of do. hmm.

now the only thing worrying me is this: should i finish the time consuming thing? or, you know, fuck it!
hmmm... 50-50 now,

...

"aiya"

2010-04-01T03:24:00.004+08:00

like a toothache which hurts like crazy, you spend a few days complaining and eating less, but after a while you just get used to it and live with it. It does not hurt any less, only increases your threshold of pain, preparing you for more.

...

worth it?

2010-03-26T01:57:00.004+08:00

i always get extra pissed when i fail even after trying my best.maybe it reminds me of last minute mugging and competitions, of limitations and the fact that my best might not be enough. it kind of sets off a bomb somewhere in my brain.

feel super guilty now.
haha the only thing i said to my bro after coming back from picking him from the airport :
"fuck you can you turn the fucking volume down?"

dont even want to talk to him now, feel super guilty and malu at my childishness

tired of guessing,
tired of thinking,
tired of typing

bye for now

...

2010-03-25T00:07:00.002+08:00

i want to go back to lessons. it is the only satisfying way that i can solve my anger problem

...

2010-03-24T03:29:00.002+08:00

do you know what i am saying?
(i heard that when when a guy wants to put a point across, he uses big words, while a woman uses many words)

...

2010-03-20T01:42:00.002+08:00

i cant stop.
i cant even relax for a few seconds.
pls help me
i just cant stop typing/ talking/ pacing
i think im losing it,
and i have lost my cure

...

2010-03-20T01:13:00.003+08:00

there is only one song that can express my feelings.
are you ready?

do you know,
the satay man~
the satay man~
the satay man~

as this song still exists (yes it does)
we can deduce that obviously no one knows him, up till this day
we only know that we love satay

...

2010-03-19T17:30:00.001+08:00

i need to smash something. i need to tell someone.
but even if i can,
even if i do,
nothing will change

...

2010-03-19T16:53:00.001+08:00

you just do not know
and i get it

...

2010-03-19T03:27:00.001+08:00

unicorn swim
elephant drink

...

disease

2010-03-18T16:05:00.002+08:00

type type type pathetically,
i have a disease
that i cant talk about.

not literally though

sad to say, the computer is my best friend at a time like this T-T
i should have joined the IT club when i had the chance, because i am damn bad when it comes to computers and getting used to new stuff. soon, even the computer will advance, leaving me alone in this world of darkness ):
slash slash slash

that is me cutting crabsticks as i turn to my next source of comfort, a hearty bowl of maggi mee

...

2010-03-17T01:13:00.003+08:00

i explode as i wonder
what is my next step?
i do not want to make a bad one,
because two wrongs dont make a right,
and i dont want it to be too wrong anyway.

...

2010-03-17T01:03:00.002+08:00

i dislike
this appointment

...

written in anger

2010-03-15T17:14:00.002+08:00

when what i do seems wrong, seems inadequate, when i feel that my paranoia/ temper is starting to overwhelm me, i just try to ignore it and swallow it, you know, like gulp.

but i really feel that we are too young to be tied down by such routines, become zombies.
oh well. sometimes my idealistic self comes back a bit, when i daydream, play out situations in my head, think of ideas and plans and things i will do for others and myself

and suddenly Reality comes, slapping my face with his saggy lumpah
reminding me of the long, ugly, imperfect, bitter, dark and stinky truth, showing me how life can stretch you and make you stale
and in time to come, you might find that you are no different from his saggy lampah

luckily, it only happens sometimes, and there are other rare times when these ideals and daydreams materialise

...

unfulfilling

2010-03-14T00:23:00.000+08:00

i
hate
this

...

what the fuck

2010-02-10T00:00:00.001+08:00

i really am not fated with mp3s

the previous one i had i took care of it like hell and one day it just died and restarted itself for no damn reason, all my songs gone, and i fking emoed

den i already tell myself that Creative is a lame brand, but in the end i still bought my second one from Creative, had no choice because the it was cheap shit and the queue at the IT fair was damn short compared to the ipod one. so yea. i basically bought it cos it sucked more.

this mp3 sucks like hell, supposed to be able to play video, but i guess Creative has a different idea of what a video is, because it takes a hell lot of effort and converting to load in something and make it work. what a fucktard mp3.

and now i am damn sad, because i didnt take care of this one that much, but it was still working fine, other than hanging and blacking out on a regular basis, a special function that i think other mp3s do not have, and it came free with this Creative one. AND i have to say this, this blackout thing was not caused by my mishandling of the mp3, the first time i used the mp3 it already happened. in fact it was one of the reasons why i decided not to take so much care of the mp3, cause i think it couldnt get any worse, and true enough it didnt, but then it suddenly disappeared.

oh man... now this is sadness.
the last time i tried, my earphones were spoiled, and i think it is purely a coincidence that the earphones were Creative as well. anyway, yea so i changed to another pair which also didnt work and so i put them (mp3 and new non-working earphones) into my bag after saying fuck.
and now the non-working earphones are in a cupboard at home, but my mp3 is gone....
i thought it was in my bag!
did i drop it
did i leave it with anyone
i dont know

not that i will miss that piece of shit, but i really really like my 800+ songs inside it...

):

)):

T-T

...

2010-01-22T14:36:00.000+08:00

zhun ah!
hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

...

2010-01-22T13:37:00.002+08:00

sibu was super fun!!!!!!!
hahahahaha
its totally the life la, just being aimless and lazing around and talking and doing rubbish for 5 days.
but i dont think i can survive there long term, there is a real lack of things to do there. i must go back when it is not the monsoon period or whatever its called, so that can finally snorkel and see the nice sea, which in the first place is the only thing we went there to do, but did not.
you can see where the aimlessness comes in now...

o well, but was actually looking forward to return to sg, where the water is not rusty and my bed actually smells good, whereas the one in sibu smelled like shit, quite literally. and my bolster!!! wahahaha... 5 days is too long...
i realise our govt is not being totally retarded and desperate when they constantly boast about our tap water being potable.
okay maybe a bit, but after bathing in rusty iron smelling water for 5 days i appreciate it a little more. now i know what robert downey jr feels like. hes really my hero! one of them la.

AND MY NOSE!
hahahahaha
kind of upsized it there.
in a totally bloody not funny way

phew.
home sweet home!
why the hell is my laptop scrolling thing not working

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2010-01-13T23:18:00.002+08:00

FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK

i am given two options:

1)be a fucker

2)be a fucker

i dont wanna be selfish or ungrateful or anything,
but i really really hate getting low-blowed all the time

...

2010-01-10T23:14:00.002+08:00

dear time can you stop crawling i have an action packed day tmr,
starting with being a potential road hazard
hmmm..
LOOKING FORWARD TO LESSONS! and more!

...

very touching

2010-01-10T01:33:00.004+08:00

result of a talking rubbish :
what if we found out that the person ganged at the party was a lusty tranny?
will our views change?
hahahaha. mine certainly would! when IM touch girls, they deserved to be damned to hell, esp if they dont stick to their own share. but when its IM vs trannies, i dont know man, i think i hate trannies more.
what the hell,
taking advantage of the darkness and confusion,
tricking poor stupid IM,
damn tranny!!!!

...

2010-01-10T01:25:00.005+08:00

"the only thing that's constant is change"
i sound so smart, but we all know that thats not true, the only thing that remains constant is actually whatever you dont want to remain constant, which is very irritating, because i really thought that some things will change, when they actually cant, and now im disappointed and frustrated that i have to go through this cycle again when im not even supposed to be in it,
argh,
i really look forward to lessons
esp when in times like this one

but oh well, i guess im (still) growing up, shall suck things up and tank a bit
grrr

...

you there, stop running!!!

2010-01-06T00:25:00.002+08:00

if only they could turn my mucus into potable water, we wouldnt have to rely on Malaysia

arghh
DAMN YOU, NOSE!!

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2009-12-31T02:24:00.002+08:00

super heng and at the same time super suay week.

but once again my blog will fail to help me say anything

but o well, there's always saving as draft.

HAHAHAHA!!
((:

...

mati

2009-12-31T01:59:00.002+08:00

THE REV!!!! ): why!!!! take the Jonas Brothers instead, take all 3 i dont care

WHY!!!

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Kotov syndrome

2009-12-29T17:45:00.000+08:00

no!

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ball summoning ritual

2009-12-28T15:11:00.001+08:00

oiqwtlkagjuipwefjdsa
f
w
gae
haetjrjuaet
uj
t
hjjtjetjqrwtrgawrhw
h
rhetjtesg

...

back!

2009-12-27T02:09:00.002+08:00

back from a week in malaysia!
an idea of the fun i had there :

it is really a god-forsaken place. sorry to those who care for it.
haha! but it wasnt THAT bad, food was good!
hahaha put on a hell lot of weight for just 7 days

and now, back to life in SG!

...

aww

2009-12-13T00:01:00.001+08:00

sorry!
but everytime i see it,
you're still a bastard, no matter how hard i try to convince myself that you're not
oh poor me, hoho

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2009-12-12T23:56:00.006+08:00

Y
? ??

...

2009-12-06T02:30:00.001+08:00

if only i could give you my eyes,
so you wouldn't be so fucking blind

...

not even a day

2009-12-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

i hate you asshole(s)

...

):

2009-12-04T02:44:00.004+08:00

argh...
can't even play this simple and basic role

...

But more than you'll ever know

2009-12-04T01:00:00.003+08:00

liberation x1000000
sigh x1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

zombieland was suuuuuper good! didnt wait so damn long for nothing, and its really damn fated that it opened today, and my cousin is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally back in sg after so long! woot! i really like good timings hoho.
but alas, time to think of a new excuse

don't wanna waste my life away, esp when it's finally mine

...

CCB

2009-11-29T21:30:00.000+08:00

I
HATE
WASTING
TIME

ARGH

...

baday

2009-11-28T20:36:00.002+08:00

super bad day, thought i can go slack in town a while,
ended up sick and spent like 3 hrs there just worrying about whether i'll be the first one in history to puke on the floor in town
okay on the bright side, luckily i wasnt.
but now i have to wait till i really puke first, den go sleep
eeeee

...

i was thinking

2009-11-28T01:02:00.002+08:00

ahhhh!

i
don't
want
to
do
anything
anymore

just
want
to
slack
like
that
forever

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the best!

2009-11-22T01:02:00.000+08:00

thank you very much,

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2009-11-18T05:24:00.001+08:00

I FINALLY SAW ONE!

2009-11-18T05:15:00.001+08:00

argh!
damned hdbs, cant see anything! wasted soooo much time.

...

the real reason

2009-11-18T03:47:00.004+08:00

ahhhh
why do people wanna ruin stuff that they cant have.
(i am no exception, muahahaha...)

anyway!
2 papers left! i have like a bit less than 3 weeks to go, before freedom.
actually, studying doesnt seem so bad after i actually tried it, too bad i started too late. o well. at least im lucky enough to get that last bit of motivation i need, very thankful (: staying up to see the freaking leonids thing, it'd better appear, i have been up waiting for so damn long, i dont think i can sleep tonight, cos later still need to go airport, after that need to go school and continue studying.
nerdy life for now.

okay! shall continue doing nothing and hoping that stupid miraculous shower will appear

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2009-11-11T18:46:00.002+08:00

made a fatal mistake today, came home to study for tmr's history paper. been studying in school for so long, took the quietness for granted. fucking hell. cant study at home, its so noisy! now i cant even take in anything i read, cos of the nervousness and noisiness and yea its like they feed off each other. super inefficient, i think i shall study in school every single day from now on

...

oh my fucking god

2009-11-08T01:29:00.002+08:00

actually it's not exactly mine, but im not going to kiam about that now

i know i should be sleeping now, fuck you think i dont want meh.
pcb... i was supposed to sleep at one after i finish revising my prewar, which is on monday, which is technically tomorrow, but guess what
FUCK! i lost 2 set of notes, indonesia and vietnam, and without these 2 i can go and fucking eat shit, cant answer the fucking question. i know i shouldnt blame anybody, but what the fuck who cares when im angry i dont think even if i do i dont really care i bet i will look back a regret posting this some other time but then as the old adage goes -- fuck it!!!!!!!!!!!

i know im damn disorganised and i should only blame myself for losing 2 sets of notes just before the A levels. hello but fuck it. okay i have effectively spent almost 40 fucking minutes raping my desk and all my notes and files and i'm just about done raping this keyboard, so i better go and sleep now.
SHIT!

cant believe i am screwing up at a time like this, always screwing up at crucial times! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what's next, shitting in my pants on my wedding day?

okay all negative thoughts fuck off today and tmr will be a good day, i hope my anger subsides and im able to sleep well

SHIT LA!
day was so good until 40 mins ago.

...

no balls

2009-11-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

good morning: although we seldom say it, i think it is an understatement
good night: how can it be one? i dont understand

it is really too bad that i dont have the courage of a spartan in 300,
or a lion
or any brave person
or even any guy who can pick up a cockroach

o well

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2009-10-31T18:56:00.001+08:00

i hope casio GCs are as water resistant as casio watches

...

DAMN IT!!

2009-10-31T00:44:00.001+08:00

you are the reason why i hate weekends so much

so so so so,
much much much much

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brrrrrrr

2009-10-31T00:34:00.003+08:00

starts with P, ends with C

a) reason for my misery
b) i understand what you mean
c) why?!
d) sian...
e) all of the above

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2009-10-27T00:39:00.002+08:00

I REALLY NEED A GOOD CAM!!!!!

aiya. i know im spamming, but it is really damn amazing, tonight is the quietest night i have ever seen (or heard if you wanna be anal) in my past 18 years in geylang. when i look outside my window, the road downstairs is empty! even the carpark is, or rather the small portion of the carpark that i can see is empty. so weird! normally this time is the time when its the most happening, everyone driving around recklessly, desperate and looking forward to shag. or so i claim la.
i dont know man, either the police is doing a good job, or economic crisis finally starting to get ppl's heads down. haha.
either way, although i know it's weird, but i hope it doesnt stay like that for long! i think i like the mess and chaos happening across/on the road, makes this place very unique. at night look out very shiok also.
o well. we'll see tomorrow,
please don't limp up, geylang!

...

2009-10-26T23:57:00.003+08:00

haha! this is an extract from a song

...
Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sort of gift don't mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl ya gotta know you're my shining star
Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs somethin' real
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart
Somethin' special girl
...

Dick in a Box
The Lonely Island (feat. Justin Timberlake)

...

abcdefghijklmnop

2009-10-26T23:13:00.002+08:00

just found out,
it's not that easy to type the alphabet quickly.

anyway,
i dont think anyone actually understands how much i hate the number 2. i mean. 22 is my favourite number, and 2 is my favourite 1 digit number.
but! i really really really really hate being #2.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. something happened recently that reminded me of this shitty position.

#2. argh...

saw the number 581 den suddenly remember all these stuff, sudden surge of emo-ness.
its a number that reminds me that im only human
at best a #2!!!!!

ahhhhhhhhh

!@)(*@#&#!_*&!(*

...

xmen

2009-10-23T01:38:00.002+08:00

you like to make mountains out of molehills,
so when there is no want for a mountain
you are not given a molehill.
but!-
how come you can make them out of nothing?!?!

gosh! arghhh!!!!

...

):

2009-10-19T22:55:00.003+08:00

oh my gosh
the evil govt is giving me a bday present in advance,
taking away so many people during early feb, HOW COULD YOU!!!
arghhhhh!!!!! ):::

...

still stuck

2009-10-19T00:10:00.002+08:00

i always think i can do a lot of stuff, but in the end cannot complete them, cos i cant get started.
i hope what i planned today will not end up like that also.
so much more important

...

argh...

2009-10-17T19:35:00.004+08:00

women are better multitaskers than men because they like to say one thing, then fucking do another.
if you farted dont deny it, everyone's gonna smell it sooner or later, just be courteous and inform them first, or let them know who to blame.
gosh
can't you just be honest?!

...